The window to my soul

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I believe the eyes is the doorway to our souls.
The eyes don’t lie, they can’t lie. You see I have this problem.
Because of this believe (and maybe you believe so too),
I cannot look someone in the eyes for very long.
People say I am shy. That’s DEFINATELY not the case. I am afraid.
Afraid of what you may see inside of me. I’m afraid of you knowing my thoughts and feelings. Yet the irony of it all is that I am a writer by heart.
I would love more than anything for you reading this now to know what I’m thinking otherwise why would I have taken the trouble to
type these words. So I have come up with an answer to this mischiev…. someone looking me in the eyes making me feel unconfortable is more real than me typing right now.

Then the second reason for me… I am afraid I will lose myself
in the persons eyes that I cannot turn away from. That scares me as much as the first reason.
But, don’t let my insecurities fool you, because despite all my fears… your eyes is and will be the most beautiful creation of God.
So when I in future don’t look you in the eye remember that it’s one of the two reasons I can’t do it.

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My children, my everything

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When you see these faces, anyone will understand that they are the reason I wake up every morning.
Being a mother of four is not easy, especially when having a full time job. Today was one of those days
I wished I just stayed in bed. Life is sometimes hard and being a mother means mostly having it together.
Showing everyone we have it under control. Being strong for your kids.
Today I did not feel that way. If I could have blamed it on Monday blues I would have, but
unfortunately the feeling is derived from deep within….
Is this it? Is this all there is for me? Then the guilt starts to over take me… How
can I think that? I’m a bad mother. My children should make me feel whole all the time, is it not?
But I can be so much more? I can mean so much more to the people around me.
I have this deeply hidden need to be seen, to be noticed in this world.
The feeling that I was destined for greatness!

Well for now, my greatness lies with these faces. They are the ones that was entitled to me to be cared for
and nurtured. I am for now their light in the this dark world of ours.

Meanwhile I will keep on dreaming in silence and wait for the right moment….